Just sharing some mindless thoughts, employee appraisals and lessons learnt

I’ve just spent the morning going through some old floppy discs I have and I came across files containing the items below and thought I should share them with you.

Some Mindless Thoughts

If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity.

Practice makes perfect...
but nobody's perfect...
so why practice?

If it's true that we are here to help others,
then, what exactly are the others here for?

Since light travels faster than sound,
people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Money is not everything . . . . .
there's Mastercard & Visa.

One should love animals,
they are so tasty.

Save water,
shower with your girlfriend.

Love thy neighbor,
but don't get caught.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman . . . . .
and behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

Every man should marry,
after all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

The wise never marry,
and when they marry they become otherwise.

Love is photogenic . . . . .
it needs darkness to develop

Children in backseats cause accidents . . . . .
accidents in backseats cause children

"Your future depends on your dreams" . . .
so go to sleep

There should be a better way to start a day . . . . .
than waking up every morning

"Hard work never killed anybody" . . . . .
but why take the risk!

"Work fascinates me" . . . . .
I can look at it for hours!

God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.

When two's company,
three's the result!

A dress is like a barbed fence . . . . .
it protects the premises without restricting the view

The more you learn, the more you know,
the more you know, the more you forget,
the more you forget, the less you know,
So... why learn?

Extracts from actual employee appraisals:

Since my last report this employee has reached rock bottom and shows signs of starting to dig.

His men would follow him anywhere but only out of morbid curiosity.

I would not allow this man to breed.

Works well under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

When e opens his mouth it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.

This man has delusions of adequacy.

He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to meet them.

This employee should go far – the sooner he starts the better.

Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn’t looking.

Fell out of his family tree.

Any dumber and he would have to be watered twice a week.

Its hard to believe that he out beat 1’000’000 other sperm.

Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he gargled.

Finally I did come across something that was serious I hope you all benefit from the wise words that a friend passed on to me.

Finally something serious

I’ve learned

I've learned that no matter what happens,
or how bad it seems today,
life does go on,
and it will be better
tomorrow.

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things:
a rainy day,
lost luggage,
and tangled Christmas tree lights.

I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents,
you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.

I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life."
I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands.
You need to be able to throw something back.

I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart,
I usually make the right decision.

I've learned that even when I have pains,
I don't have to be one.

I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone.

People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.
I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.

I've learned that people will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget how you made them feel.