Thursday, October 14, 2004

Evening Courses

My local FE College is now running evening courses so they sent me a leaflet.

Evening Courses for Men
Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty of their contents, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants each.

Topic 1. How to fill ice-cube trays. Step by step with slide presentation.
Topic 2. Lavatory paper rolls: do they grow on the holders? Round-table discussion.
Topic 3: Differences between the laundry basket and the floor. Pictures and explanatory graphics.
Topic 4. The after-dinner dishes and silverware: can they levitate and fly into the kitchen sink? Examples on video.
Topic 5. Loss of identity: losing the remote to your significant other. Help line and support groups.
Topic 6. Learning how to find things, starting with looking in the "Right" place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming. Open forum.
Topic 7. Health watch: bringing her flowers is not harmful to your health. Graphics and audiotape.
Topic 8. Real men ask for directions when lost. Real-life testimonials.
Topic 9. Is it genetically impossible to sit quietly as she parallel parks? Driving simulation.
Topic 10. Learning to live: basic differences between mother and wife. Online class and role-playing.
Topic 11. How to be the ideal shopping companion. Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques.
Topic 12. How to fight cerebral atrophy: remembering birthdays, anniversaries, other important dates and calling when you're going to be late. Cerebral shock therapy sessions and full lobotomies offered.

Evening Courses for Women
Note: Courses should be undertaken on a one to one basis with the tutor, as groups of women tend to be over talkative and/or "bitchy" with each other.

1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before.
2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits.
3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits.
4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game.
5. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up.
6. Introduction to Parking.
7. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space.
8. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter.
9. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption.
10. PMS: Your Problem ... Not His.
11. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet, Too.
12. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His.
13. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First.
14. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking.
15. Communication Skills III: Getting What You Want Without Nagging.
16. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire.
17. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice.
18. Oil and Gasoline: Your Car Needs Both.
19. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together.
20. TV Remotes: For Men Only.

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